My Own Private Hell

Two words: Potty Training.

Blessed

At church this morning, we had a flower communion. This is a Unitarian tradition, and we've certainly participated in this type of service in the past. However, there was something in this service that moved me to write this post.

UU churches aren't all the same - different congregations do things in different ways. One aspect I've seen in several churches is called various things. A time for all ages, children's story time, etc. At our church, they typically have this on alternating weeks, and usually the minister sits on the chancel and invites the kids to come forward while he tells a story related to the sermon. This morning there were not very many kids present (our boys actually go straight to their class at the moment, but we'll probably start bringing them to the first part of the service this fall), but two went up to sit with Marc. He told about the origin of the flower communion and talked about how we're all different but the same. He then asked if the children would like to help him bless the flowers.

One of the two kids, a small 5 year old boy, said, "What does bless mean?" To Marc's credit, he gave a great answer. He said something like, "When you bless something you make it beautiful with your words or your wishes, asking the universe to make it special". There was a bit more explanation, but this was the meat of the matter. The kids (and the rest of the congregation) then participated in the blessing of the flowers.

But I was really struck by the exchange. The bravery of the boy to ask the question in front of the whole church, and the minister's response simple enough for him to understand. And though I was attentive through the rest of the service, my mind stayed stuck on that definition of blessed. I've often (okay, always) kind of been put off when people talk about being blessed, but that is mostly based on my unpleasant experiences with organized religion.

It made me think about what it means to be blessed, or to bless. I struggle every day with my parenting, wondering if I'm good enough, if I'm too harsh, if I yell too much, and so on. And the definition that Marc gave today somehow allowed me to think in a different way, a way that perhaps can help me stay more grounded as I go about the business of raising my two wonderful children. How can I make my kids, myself even, beautiful with my words or wishes? How can I make them special? I don't know the answer yet, but you can be sure I'm going to be working on it.

Brotherly Love

We just got back from a week in southern Utah, where we were staying with my grandmother. She'll be 90 this summer, and I thought it was important to get out there with the boys while we still could.

Mind you, the desert has never been a favorite place of mine. Dry, hot, and bright. It actually didn't end up being all that bad - the first few days were in the mid to upper 70's, but by the time we left it was in the upper 90's. Even so, I can appreciate why people live there. It is beautiful.

We managed to make it to both Bryce and Zion National Parks, and enjoyed both. Zion was more successful, primarily because it was a shorter drive to get there and because they have a shuttle bus that runs through the canyon. The boys, of course, were totally into that. And they had fun running around the trails. Kemper wanted me to take pictures of all the caterpillars he found (and there were TONS), while Rowan was more interested in jumping off of rocks.

The biggest drag was the travel time, though. Flying for 7 plus hours is just not fun, and having 3 year olds along doesn't help. Don't get me wrong, the boys did extremely well. Better than us, really. I had packed all these little toys to dole out on the way, but didn't need any of them. Which worked out well, since the trip home got a little rough and I was glad to have some new things for them. On the first leg, the boys and I were all together in a row. We all fell asleep, but after a couple of hours Kemper woke up. He got a little fussy, so I took out one of the new toys. It was a small die cast metal biplane. His eyes lit up, he smiled, then he looked at me and said, "Is there one for Rowan too?" What a sweet boy.

Breaking the Silence

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything. I think mostly we've just been really busy and I haven't been thinking much about what to write, plus I somehow think each entry has to be just right and so end up not writing at all.

Anyway, we're coasting along pretty well most of the time now. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean by that that having two 3 year olds is a walk in the park, but in some ways things are getting, well, somewhat less hard. (Note that I did not say "easy".) Most nights we don't have any wake ups, so I'm consistently getting 6 or 7 hours of sleep. What a difference that makes, I can tell you. The boys are so talkative and they play really well together most of the time. They aren't quite to the point where they can be fully trusted on their own, but we're getting there I think.

Naps are a thing of the past. If we happen to be in the car anytime after noon, they might doze for 20 minutes or so, but beyond that it's a rare thing. Today was therefore a bit of a shock to me. Kemper was being really whiny and uncooperative after lunch. I gave him several warnings - if he's acting that way, he really needs a nap and if it continues I'll send him to his room to rest - that went unheeded. When I finally lost my patience, I told him he needed to go upstairs and take a nap. He collapsed into a fit of tears, saying he didn't want to take a nap. I gave him an alternative - help me clean up his toys. His response? "I'm too tired!" At which point I said, "Then you need to go upstairs and take a nap!". Guess what? He did just that! I was in shock. He climbed the stairs, got in bed, and pulled the covers up. Slept for over 2 hours, too.

I love my boys, but sometimes when I luck into one of them falling asleep in the afternoon I get a taste of what it must be like to have just one kid. It seems so EASY. Today Rowan was as pleasant as could be the whole time Kemper was asleep. And it was great to have some time together without the competition they're so accustomed to. Of course, after a couple of hours Rowan started in with "Mommy, I want Kemper to come down now".

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Okay, so this is probably obvious to everyone, but I've really learned that most of what comes out of our children's mouths could be a direct quote from one of their parents. This isn't always a bad thing, as I've mentioned before, given that we do from time to time have good things to say. And everything is open to interpretation.

Case in point: Rowan, our temper tantrum title holder, can really throw them. And once he gets started, he only gets worse unless we can help him calm himself down. I've been trying the "take a few deep breaths" trick, which doesn't always work but often distracts him just enough from his screaming to start the calming process. Well, the other day at nap time they were both in Kemper's bed (just the latest in a long line of stalling tactics, but I digress), and something happened that set Kemper off. He screamed for me to come up, and was howling incoherently while Rowan lay still and angelic next to him. Rowan looked up at me, gently placed his hand on Kemper's shoulder, and said, "I want he to take a deep breath". How sweet is that?

Of course, there's always the other end of the spectrum, when they repeat things you wish you'd never said in their presence. Like when Kemper gets really angry and, in his gravelly angry daddy voice says, "Dammit Rowan!" Or like earlier today when Rowan was pushing all my buttons and earning himself multiple consecutive time outs and Kemper said, "Mommy when you shout at us it pisses me off." Yikes. Did I actually say that?

Why?

Kemper has become a champion user of the word "why". He's a textbook case, actually. Lately it seems that no matter what you say to him, he'll ask why (when he isn't shouting "no!", that is). And when you tell him, he'll respond to your answer with another why. Arrrgh. It's enough to drive a person nutty.

I can understand the significance of this stage - he's taking in so much information all the time, and this new word can help him make sense of things. Now that the boys talk so well, I sometimes forget how much they still don't know about life, the world, the way things work. So I try to be patient, and try to answer all of the questions. Which doesn't mean I don't sympathize with the comment I read somewhere recently (maybe in one of my parenting magazines?). A father said that sometimes when he just can't deal with answering any more questions, he'll say, "No one knows why". I haven't tried that one yet, as I think it might be lost on Kemper at this age.

But I've been thinking about Why now that I hear it so often, and I realized that we never stop asking it. Or at least, I don't. We just don't often ask it out loud. There are so many things I'd love to know why they happened, or why I do some of the annoying things I do. I suppose in some ways, I have to admire the way that a three year old believes that there is always an answer. At what point, I wonder, do we learn that this just isn't true?

Halloween, etc.

It's Halloween again, and this year Kemper and Rowan get it. I remember last year they could barely be convinced to go up the steps to any of the houses we visited, and this time around I could barely keep up with them! It was nice to get out and see so many of our new neighbors, even if only briefly.

I was a little worried about how it would all go, as Rowan had refused all attempts to get him to wear his costume. He just didn't want it on, so he went to the church Halloween party without a costume on. However, when I told him that in order to get candy from the houses he'd have to wear a costume, he had it on in a flash. We rehearsed before heading out, and at nearly every house I managed to convince him to give a rousing "Yo ho ho!" It's really cute the way he says it. He was surprisingly outgoing for a kid who usually is very cautious in new situations with new people. It must have been the candy.

On other fronts, we've had several exciting events. Kemper has learned how to pedal a bike or trike, and is quite pleased with himself. He also asked to poop on the toilet last night, and actually did. Of course, it seems to have been a one time thing, but you have to start somewhere. Rowan has become very inquisitive, and often will say, "What's this?" When I tell him what it is, he almost always follows with "What it for?"

We seem to be in the process of actually losing the nap. This is very, very sad for me, but inevitable. The up side is that by bedtime, they're really really tired and go to sleep almost immediately. And they're really playing together well. Yesterday I was in the kitchen while they played in the living room, and they were really making each other laugh. And they weren't doing anything wrong! I'm working on getting them to clean up, but that isn't going so well. Yesterday we spent nearly the entire day in the house because they wouldn't clean up the two things I asked them to - their big Legos and the trains. By the time it got dark, Kemper stated that he wanted to go to the playground, and was most unhappy when I explained that he missed his chance when he chose not to clean up. Oh well. I guess they'll eventually catch on.